In
the light of what’s happening in India or should I say Bharat & the country
leaders & self proclaimed Godmen & their speakers suffering from the
foot in the mouth disease I have really been pushed to the core, pushed to tell
my story, pushed to tell the story millions of women don’t.
In
various debates with people I told them it is not just a problem that exists in
Delhi & Bombay is no better. People spoke about how women should learn self
defence crafts & a lot of self defence academies are trying to milk it as
well all I said was that when you are in the situation u really don’t know how
to react. But with Assholes wanting to say anything to see their faces on all
television channels I really had to finally write this down & put it out
there.
I
was a very late bloomer & quite ignorant in lessons of Adulthood coz my
family let me live my childhood to the fullest, I didn’t have too many friends
growing up so I was unaware of what girls my age were actually going through in
terms of how their bodies were changing coz my body wasn’t. I used to play with
Dolls which people who know me now cannot associate me with.
I
was only in school when a friend of mine who was a boy & me went 2 km away
from home to redeem free ice cream coupons given to us by a neighbour in the
society. That free ice cream cost me a lot, thankfully not too much.
On
our way back a random stranger asked us for an address & we were clueless,
he said he was sick, he said he was unwell, he insisted that we help him find
the building. We were 10 year old fools & he really was sick &
unfcuking well. My friend was asked to look in 1 wing while I had to help him
in the other wing, thankfully my friend didn’t head home after realising I was
missing for a bit & came looking for me & I had an alibi to RUN. I
don’t think I ever told that friend what happened & how greatful I was. I
infact haven’t even been able to find him on facebook so far.
I
knew something went wrong but had no clue what it was all about, I told my Mom
what happened and that’s when I got my life’s first Adult lesson, she taught me
to be strong, she taught me how to fight & she explained to me that I had
to be careful but she never stopped me from flying, she never treated me any
less than my brother & she never ever told me it was my fault.
My school would start at 7:10AM & I used
to go to school every morning by myself in a rickshaw, it had been 3 years
since I was doing that but suddenly I decided I wanted to be the first kid to
enter the school premises, don’t know where I got that from coz I never had any
aspirations of being No. 1 in my academics. In any case one winter morning now
at the age of 13, I got into a rickshaw at 6:15AM, the dawn was just about
cracking the rickshaw driver drove on & suddenly 3 minutes away from
school, on the Main SV Road in Santacruz West which was empty at the time,
turned back touched me & asked me “idhar baal aaya kya?” and all I could do
was tell him “haath hatao” & in response the fcuker gave me a cheeky
fcuking smile.
This
time I got the second Adult lesson of life that there is something called Pubic
Hair.
I
obviously stopped going to school that early & made sure my dad dropped me
every morning for a couple of months till again my Mom pushed me into going by
myself & put that confidence back.
I
joined Karate I learnt self defence, I knew the moves but still…
I
got my third Adult lesson at 14. It happened at a children’s theatre workshop
& I was told “U must not shy away” when I would take a step back if I knew
a hand was pretending to do something but actually was attempting something
else. I realised the hard truth that when you are in the middle of a situation
like that all of your self defence training goes for a toss. This time though
we had a substantial somebody to complain against & a substantial somebody
to complain to. But ofcourse not much happened.
I
was in any case a tomboy and suddenly being a tomboy was my defence against the
crap that arbid men had to offer but still at 16 I got felt up by another
rickshaw driver this time it was the upper body & by the time I realized
what the fcuk happened he was gone!
My
tomboy attitude enhanced, it was like a mask I wore, I took pride in &
laughed my heart out when I would be mistaken for a boy but it was I alone who
knew why that was so. It became so bad that to my amusement I was suddenly
being hit on by lesbian women. This is when I realised I can’t keep hiding the
fact that I was a Girl.
For
the most crucial part of my teens during college I used to do professional theatre
& I was the youngest member of my theatre group, protected & spoilt to
bits. The front stage & the back stage gave me this sense of standing that
I wasn’t going to go wasted & It actually did gave me the foundation of
what I am today. Outside the theatre activities my brother taught me to be
worldly, he taught me to drink responsibly, he taught me to be independent, he
& his friends told me things that irritate them about women, they beat up
arbid guys who’d want to dance with me & above all they taught me how to
respect the security guard & the waiter at clubs who in turn would look out
for me if I was hanging at those regular hangouts without them. Back at home my
mom & dad didn’t ever ruin my confidence, they trusted me & as long as
they knew where & with who I was it was perfectly ok for me to come back
home from a party at 6 AM and above all they were always only one phone call
away.
At
the age of 28 one morning I had an early morning flight, meru cabs were on
strike so I decided to get going to the airport by myself at 3AM. My dad was
travelling & my mom insisted that I should let her come to drop me to the
airport & I insisted that it was all good & I can do this by myself. I
walked out onto the road with my bag in toe from my lane onto the main road
waiting for a rickshaw. A bike zipped past me & then a santro with an
extremely drunk driver stopped asking me to service him. I walked back 10
meters away from the car hoping he won’t be in a state to reverse & out of
the blue the bike that had zipped past came back & it turned out to be a
friend from college who I was seeing after 5 years. He saw me & thought it
was me so turned back & I could not begin to thank my stars & now this
friend for his impeccable timing. He waited till I got my rickshaw & rode
with me till the airport. I never went to the airport that early again by
myself. The only one other time I had to be on the road alone that early or
late I held onto my swiss knife with dear life, open & hidden in my jacket
pocket ready to attack…
But
again on one of my shoots a so called senior member of the film industry
decided to show me a porn clip on his phone & all I did was pretend that I
was being called on the walkie talkie & disappear from his sight.
Recently
about 2 years back in main Lokhandwala Market in broad daylight I got flashed
by a stranger bastard on a Kinetic Honda & and again he was gone before I
could react.
Inspite
of all this crap I am the luckiest. I have had my up’s & downs in matters
of the heart but I always believed my mom telling me it wasn’t my fault &
hence succeeded in finding my true love.
After
this my question to the so-called leaders of this country is, does ice cream
& chowmein taste alike? At 10yrs of age I was walking back home with a boy,
was I walking the wrong way? Was I all along wanting to have sex intentionally
with these bastards since I was a kid? Should I have been married at 16? Oh no
maybe I should have done the Guru Mantra Jaap & called all of those choots
“Bhaiyya”.
What
I want to know is who in the fcuking hell gave you the right to talk about
something you will never be subjected to. How dare u talk about Maryada &
who are you to say we are Painted & Dented! Who the fcuk are you to turn
round & say “taali ek haath se nahi bajti”!
The
National Pledge of this country in English starts off with saying “India is My
Country” & in Hindi it starts of with “Bharat Mera Desh Hai”. You idiot
Bharat & India mean the same thing!
I
am so sure that there are people, men & women, illiterate people, who agree
with what these illiterate politicians & so called illiterate God men are
saying. And the truth of the matter is its not just about the crass & 14th
century mind set of these people, its not just about the mothers in North India
treating their sons like Gods, it is not about the Men of this country who refuse
to give the woman her equal right (that’s a different debate all together), it is
actually about these kind of diseased men… What they do is sick & they need
to be treated- TREATED WITH FEAR OF PUNISHMENT & TREATED LIKE CRAP.
Yes
we need stricter laws, yes we need the police to be more humane towards women
who actually go through this horrible ordeal but most importantly we need to
educate the citizens of this country (including the twats sitting in high
offices) that in a country where women are having to go through this ordeal
from as early as 5 yrs to 64 yrs it is not her fault.
This
is just my story and I am sure there are million more, I have unfortunately
resigned to the fact that there will never be any solution to this because
diseased men will never cease to exist but as long as the women get justice
& are not the ones blamed there might be some hope of deliverance.
